Meet Tawanda Gray, The not so silent partner of House Therapy

Meet Tawanda Gray, The not so silent partner of House Therapy

By James Hall, 03-15-23

So if you live here in the United States and are into house music, you have by now definitely heard of Dj Tony Gray and his radio show “House Therapy” which airs here on My House Radio every Thursday from 1 pm to 3 pm. What you may not know is the driving force that works very hard behind the scenes from day to day to get you to that show is none other than Mrs. House Therapy AKA Tawanda Gray.

I met Tawanda back in 2016 when I went to Columbia, South Carolina to do a gig with Tony. Even then I knew Tawanda was something special and a force to reckon with as she dealt with the business side of things while we played and she interacted with the crowd — which I have to admit was something I didn’t expect at the time, because house music in South Carolina was not that big in a place known for its trap music.

Over the past 6 years, I have watched Mr. and Mrs. House Therapy take their brand and grow it into one of the most popular brands in the south as well as worldwide on the internet. I finally caught up to Tawanda and asked her about what is behind her drive and determination.

Q#.Hey Tawanda! How are doing today?

A#. Hi, James, I am doing well. Thank you for asking.

Q#. Tawanda where did you grow up as a kid and how did you meet Tony?

A# I was born in Newark, NJ; where I spent the first 8-9 years of my life and then my grandparents came to visit us one summer and I wanted to go back with them for the rest of the summer. At that age of course I didn’t know that I was headed to a small town called “Headland, Alabama”. I went for a visit that never ended and lived there all my childhood, most of my adult life was spent in a city about 10 miles from there in Dothan, Alabama. And just like that I was a Southern Bell (LOL)

In my young adult life; I lost my mom, my grandfather (who basically was my father) and then my baby sister; (who was my BESTIE) all just a few years apart. I was raising 2 sons and I was the one the family really depended on for a lot of “family stuff”; so I never got to grieve their deaths. Life went on and on until one day; I QUIT!

I quit life. I went into a deep depression. I isolated myself from the world. I just lived just enough to keep my head above water and make sure my kids were ok. As the years rolled by my sons grew into men and when they graduated from high school I encouraged them to move away and go out into the world. They did and never looked back. They both are successful married men with beautiful children living amazing lives. That was nothing but GOD; covering and keeping them when I couldn’t. I am definitely a proud Mom and G-ma.

Fast Forward: Oh wait, what was the question? (LOL) How did I meet DJ TONY GRAY?

Well, one day the grief of my losses hit me. Hit me so hard that I could no longer live in the city of Dothan. Everything reminded me of the family I lost. I worked in the hospital in the ICU and just had to hear all these codes over the intercom and see these people laying in their beds. Some were on their deathbeds. I couldn’t “give” any part of me anymore. So I decided to move away for a restart. I visited my sons for a while then made my final stop in Columbia, SC. I wanted to continue to live in the south near Alabama, Texas, and Virginia. I wanted to live somewhere no one knew me and South Carolina won the short straw.

Once I got to SC and got settled I got bored. I was ready to step back into the world and begin the life my mom and sister never got to live. I made myself available again and started a BLACK PEOPLE MEET account and after sifting through hundreds of responses; there he was Tony with a joke making me actually laugh out loud. I responded and he has held my attention and made me laugh every day since.

Q# Tawanda as you know being the wife of a popular entertainer is difficult enough. What made you get involved in your husband’s career and want to manage him? Also, have there been any personal hurdles you have had to adapt to?

A# When I met Tony he had already been doing what he does for a number of years. House Therapy was in its teenage years. He was only doing his Live Shows on My House Radio at that time.

I didn’t have ANY type of social media presence. I refused to do Facebook, Instagram, or any of it because I am really a shy person. But I asked him one day after one of his shows; what can I do to help? He said you would have to do social media. So I opened up a Facebook page and started sending out friend requests. I had no clue who DJ Tony Gray was; I had no idea what House Music was; I was clueless about promoting and/or management. Tony guided me and taught me the ins and outs. Once I saw how to move within the industry; I put my #iammrshousetherapy swag on it and here we are almost 6 years later Partners in Music and Partners in Life. I always tell people this: How can I say I love my husband and not support him? That’s why you will hear me say: I am not a MANAGER; I am his SUPPORTER. Now when people try and come for him I am his WIFE; come for his brand THEN I am his MANAGER.

Absolutely! There have been and will continue to be personal hurdles and things we both have had to adapt to. I am not naïve, not by a long shot on how being an industry wife/manager affects every aspect of our lives. I remember a couple of years back the lines between husband & wife – DJ & manager got blurred. I remember I would come home from working all day and he would hit me at the door with House Therapy stuff like I was his Assistant. You can imagine that did not go over well with Mrs. Gray. Mrs. House Therapy/Manager/Promoter…we all QUIT on the spot. It could have ended us, but the one thing Tony and I are big on is communication. He not only listens to me; he hears me. He shuts down everything to make sure Mr. & Mrs. Gray are good before any entertainment/industry issues are talked about. I was strictly Mrs. Gray for a long time. It didn’t take long for us to communicate and set some boundaries. Tony didn’t pressure me to come back to being a manager or anything. Our Marriage takes top priority.

Q# Prior to managing Tony what did you do for work and have your prior experiences played a role in your current situation?

A# Prior to managing Tony I worked in the Administrative field. I have always worked for major companies and Executives, Doctors now for Attorneys at a major law firm. So in a way I have been in management and running grown men’s lives for the past 30 years.

Q# As an entertainment manager, What is your day-to-day role?

A# Wow, I definitely don’t see myself as an Entertainment Manager; but ok. LOL

My day-to-day role is to be supportive in any capacity I can. I try to post upcoming events or anything HT related on all pages (if I can). I manage 5 House Therapy related pages; 1 House in the South Group; HT Instagram pages and our HT Google Page. (3) online/radio stations he plays on.  I also handle our HT T-shirt Line on Google @ bonfire/house music gear when people want to know who we are you can now…Google Us: DJ Tony Gray; Tawanda Smith-Gray; iammrshousetherapy; House Therapy. It’s weird to say but I have to manage these names too as if we are separate brands..LOL Now I have over 9000 Followers and I am a Digital Creator.

We have DJ TONY GRAY as one entity; then there is HOUSE THERAPY as another entity. My job is to give you the best of both. I respond to calls, emails, texts on bookings, etc. for both.

Tony is a multi… multi-diverse Entertainer. I see him and hear him. I sometimes help him pick what music he is going to play for whatever platform or event he is playing on. We sit and create folders. Every event gets a folder or foundation. Once the event starts rocking he follows his instincts as a DJ. He reads the room and plays accordingly. I help him show the world all his layers on every platform possible. My job is to bring that out of him so everyone else can see and hear what I do.

It’s ok to be humble in this industry; but if you got a TALENT you need to showcase it because that’s what you were put here to do. It’s ok to be a “People pleaser” when you need to be, but you don’t have to be a “people Pleaser” when you don’t need to be. Know the difference.

Q# What have you done to educate yourself on the entertainment industry or are you more of a hands-on from day to day person?

A# I am more of a day-to-day person. I follow other DJs and Industry people. I interact with people. I try to go to chatrooms and support the community. If I can’t be there I try to SHARE their content. I actually love the underdog. I like finding that unknown DJ/Artist/Entertainer and sharing our platform with them; so they too can be seen.

We may not be on the largest platforms in the House Community but we are definitely in the room and in the conversations. Some conversations are good and encouraging and some are backstabbers but either way. We are Relevant! So Thank All Yall. LOL

Q# Being in South Carolina where Rap and R&B are dominant what is your technique when approaching a venue, what is your sales pitch and what do you focus on to secure the deal?

My Technique when approaching a venue is just listening to DJ Tony Gray. I put him in places he either has always wanted to play or places he can turn from dominantly Hip Hop into a multi-musical location. Places where Anyone can party. DJ Tony Gray can play ANYTHING and pretty much everything. What he and I both agreed upon is we don’t play mumble rap. That just isn’t him/us. We know our lane in the game.

I don’t have a sales pitch. I have a genuine conversation with the owner of the establishment. Then with the Manager. My focus is to make sure DJ Tony Gray is playing in a safe and fun environment where he can be comfortable. If he is comfortable it comes across in his playing. I secure the deal by making sure he is Paid not Played.

I have set up and broken down equipment. I have carried heavy speakers, etc. I know his worth and so do they when they hand me that contract.

Q# The south historically wasn’t really known for its house music roots how have you been able to overcome the stigmas in such a conservative environment?

I wouldn’t say we have overcome it, but we have definitely made a mark here in the South. I work in a conservative environment; so I just listen to how my coworkers and our friends who are from the Carolinas react to certain music and artists at Christmas parties, Office events, etc. I try to be personable and ask questions. When Tony is playing an event he plays songs that they know and are familiar with. He flips them on the spot into a House Music mix and they love it. Once he has their attention he is able to slide in the real house music from classics to current. Also, I have a secret weapon when I am interacting with people at our events. It’s a Dj’s worst nightmare, but in the South, it works. “I” make it work for us. House Music has its own stigma period; so being creative plays a big part in what we do as well. When people party with us they forget the stigmas that night because of how Tony plays he has everyone focused on the music not who is in the room or who they are dancing next to. He has a natural gift to read the room and know what to play. Tony is a BEAST in the game!

Q# How were you able to build House Therapy into a known brand in the house music industry in such a short time?

A# House Therapy has been around since 2013. I came on the scene in 2017.

I put in the work. We put in the work. We never gave up. We don’t listen to negative people. We stay positive. We pray as a unit. We pay it forward.

I PROMOTE..SUPPORT.. & CARE about what we do. House Therapy is a Brand that is here to be supportive; not selfish. I have faith and confidence in my husband and his brand. I worked on the vision. He works hard every single day by studying music; making flyers, building his own speakers, etc.

He is in his man cave on a regular making new mixes every day. Tony does sound as well so there is a lot of work we both put into our parties/events to make them into an unforgettable experience with THE GRAYS! Also, there are people in our life that love how we move in this industry. Respect goes a long way. We don’t take our family, friends, followers, or HT SQUAD for granted. I acknowledge everyone we cross paths with. If someone is NOT in our life it’s because of something THEY did. We are the same every day. LOYAL!

Q# With such great accomplishments in such a short period, where do you see House Therapy in five to ten years and your role in it?

A# In the next five to ten years I hope HOUSE THERAPY will still be a household name in the industry. There is so much more we want to do. So many festivals and events we would love to be on. We want to travel and spread music and our love for music with others. We are older but we will continue to make our mark in the House Music Community all over the world. My role in that is to do what I am doing now; only on a larger scale. I believe it will happen at the right time.

Q# Do you have any great things in the works or collaborations forthcoming that we should be on the lookout for?

A# We are always evolving and working on the next thing for DJ Tony Gray and the House Therapy Brand.

Tony is working on his first track and I am working on my book. We both are taking our time so that when we do put them out people will get  quality work. We are not rushing to put out either project.

My book is something I am working on (not industry-related) but something that will help and bless the generation(s) of women. This project is ALL Tawanda…so stay tuned for that in the future.

Q# In closing, what advice do you have for others who are interested in playing a role and partnering up with their significant others who are in the entertainment industry?

My advice would be to be supportive. I am in no way saying support the way I do. I chose to be in this role. Support in the capacity that you are comfortable doing. Tony never asked me to do it. I set up equipment and go to events, participate in the events and break equipment down, and load the vehicle because that’s where I want to be; with my best friend. If I don’t want to go or participate. I don’t. Never put pressure on yourself or your spouse to do anything. Once I started promoting; managing came naturally to me. It took some time for Tony to let go of the reins. Even today we bump heads on things because obviously, he has been in entertainment longer than me; but I had to explain to him that I was born in Jersey but I grew up in the south so I know what you are up against when it comes to this thing called “House in the South”. Also, I am more personable when it comes to keeping people engaged and on the dance floor. I work the mic and I interact with the crowd. That is not everyone’s cup of tea; not even Tony’s. I get it, but you have to do the uncomfortable to make others feel comfortable to the point that they don’t realize they just became a House Head at a DJ TONY GRAY party. You have to work on the vision. You have to let your spouse still have his/her opinion. You can’t make them feel like they don’t matter. Every idea matters. You bounce ideas off each other until you come to a compromise on something that will work. If you can’t; then you sit that idea on the shelf for a later discussion or trash it altogether.

Keep your Marriage/Relationship separate from who you are to the industry. Disconnect at a certain time and day from industry stuff… NO EXCEPTIONS!.. If you are a spouse who’s not into supporting on the level I do. Then at least promote them on your social media. Be their biggest groupie. Encourage them when no one else does. Support in other ways such as; giving them alone time with a hot bubble bath or in a quiet space just for them if possible; fixing a romantic lunch or dinner before he/she leaves for their event giving them your full attention and quality time OR just give him/her some that “good-good” (real talk). I know it sounds unbelievable or unrealistic. You must put forth the effort so what looks like a successful marriage/relationship can work.

What we do is not for every couple; what I do is not for every spouse but if you breathe you can support your spouse in some way. PERIOD!

I am Tawanda Smith-Gray aka #iammrshousetherapy

Great Interview Tawanda and it was truly my pleasure to sit down with you. You are a true inspiration to all of us!

You can catch House Therapy here on myhouseradio.fm every Thursday from 1pm to 3pm!

Here is a special mix for your enjoyment:

#myhouseradiofm #housetherapy #tawandagray #tonygray